My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
