i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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