well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
