Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
