So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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