I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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