My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
