I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
