Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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