I puked a lego.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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