Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
