My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
