If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
