I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
