i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You are a genius and a whore.
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