I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
