im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me I should be a condom model.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
