It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
