there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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