Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
