I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
