i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
