I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
