Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
