I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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