so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
did i just pee glitter
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
