i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
