just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
