I must be too annoying 4 u.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
