He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i've created a new STD.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
