Someone shit on the floor
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
