Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
