im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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