barbara walters just said penis...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
