I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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