I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
