Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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