You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
