So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina is officially offended.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
