In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
