i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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