lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
