Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
