she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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