yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Welp...herpes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
