i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I puked a lego.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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