She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
