I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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