so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
