Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
